Life again Marches ON!

It's been quite awhile since I've posted anything to this blog. And I hesitate to now, but I think I will go ahead despite my hesitations. I want to protect privacy, at the same time I want to share this experience with those of you out there who regularly read this, and some who just happen to come across it.

So nearly two months ago, Tasia moved in. Honeymoon phase didn't last too long. Let's be clear, we are using all the skills we can, trying unconditional love, and at times things go well. But other times, not so much. But we knew to expect that. It's just reality is reality! However, we are hanging in there (almost) no matter what. If there is anything we learned from the last adventures in foster-to-adopt, giving up is more painful than NOT giving up!! And it's teaching us all kinds of things about ourselves, like how to pull out strengths we didn't think we had, how to NOT say what we really WANT to say (well, harder for me than Mark.) How to turn the other cheek, (I've found numerous cheeks to turn!) How to forgive far faster than I thought capable.

It's also taught me how resilient kids can be, how they can cope with what seems like insurmountable problems. I'm not going to get specific here, to maintain privacy, but life can be tough for so many children out there.

And though I have to ask myself (and I DO), why they heck are we trying this? I love that story of the man who comes across a boy on the beach, throwing back into the water stranded starfish. The man says to the boy, "Why are you doing this? Don't you see how many starfish there are still stranded? You can't possible make a difference to all of them!" And the boy answers, as he throws yet another starfish into the water, "Well, I made a difference to that one!"

That's our hope. We don't know what will end up happening frankly. She IS 18 after all, and somedays, like to most teenagers, having a permanent family sounds more like a jail sentence (I suspect) than a good idea! So we will see how it goes.

And for any friends and family who are reading this, I just want to tell you thanks for your support. It means a lot. If you have any other friends or family out there who are trying to foster and/or adopt children, let them know how much you care. It's definitely far harder than it looks. Let's hope in the end, it's also  far more rewarding!!

Why We Want to Adopt

I'm always torn between sharing info on our lives with others and keeping it to ourselves. As a therapist I love listening to others. I love and appreciate the confidence people place in me to share the most intimate details of their lives with me. I try to show the utmost respect for this. So to post such a deeply personal blog as the previous one is pretty difficult for me. In our church, we are given deeply personal blessings as teenagers, usually, that help guide our lives. One brief piece of guidance is to be willing to share with others. And I don't think it just meant my stuff! So that's what I do, on occasion. Maybe too much at times. But we live in a much more open world, the world of Facebook, Twitter, and blogs. So at least I'm not alone.

So in that vein, maybe I should fill you in on why adopting a child who needs a permanent home is a part of how we want to spend the rest of our lives. I'd like to, but I am not sure I can. Is it because we are afraid of the empty nest? Maybe. At least some, but we do have quite a large nest to share. Is it because we are worried that it's just the two of us and we have to face each other now the kids are gone? No, because we have always been close. Is it because we are bored? Huh. Boredom? What's that? We have no time for boredom. Is it because we don't REALLY want to spend the last thirty years of our lives traveling the world, going on missions, and enjoying retirement? No, because we STILL hope and plan to get that in too. Is it because our five children, their spouses and nine grandchildren are not enough, somehow? No, because they ARE the light of our lives. But that last reason comes the closest, so far. We love them SO much, and want to share our lives, love, time, energy, and means with another child, or children, even. Because the love just grows.

And the final reason, and the most important reason, relates to who we are at our core. Mark and I love God! We know He's real and that He is a part of our lives. We believe to adopt a child, or perhaps two before we are done, IS what He wants from us. And I am not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that.

Our experience that is detailed in the previous post includes all but our reasons why this is so important to us. Bottom line, we want to share our love with those who need it, forever, not just for the next few years. And we are grateful to try to do just that.