Today we should be able to see all of our family, except for Kevin and Michelle in Los Angeles. I am trying hard to be grateful for all of our blessings-- and to focus on the present moment. NOT what, or WHO we don't have. But I think holidays do tend to make loss more poignant. I know there are so many people in the world who are suffering loss today. And trying like we are to make the best of it.
So what cheers me? First, my good husband, who is lying next to me in bed as I type. Then, my grandchildren, who bring so much joy. Also, the fact that I pray to a loving a Heavenly Father who I KNOW is there. He lifts me up at my darkest moments, and gives me the strength to help others! Such a gift. And I am helped by the gift of my children and their spouses. I hope I give back to you some of what I get, now that you're all grown.
Happy thanksgiving all! And I hope if you have a loss in your life, that you TOO will turn to the source of peace and comfort. He will help, when all else fails. And someday He WILL make it okay in the end. This, I know.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Moving On, sort of....
November 7, 2012
Two months today since we saw Madison. We have heard there is still some consideration about whether we could be allowed visits. But for now, even if visits are allowed, adoption is probably not on the table in the near future, because we have been selected for another girl, Shelly (also not her real name.) She's almost 13 and a girl we have felt strongly about this entire year. We saw her from a distance back in February at a team meeting about her. Today we meet with some of her team members to set up resources for her here in our small city. (There is a risk blogging about Shelly, because things could change: not on OUR parts, we are committed to being her permanent family. But we are putting our hearts on the line for another child, so the fact that I'm blogging about it, can't really increase our risk of hurt, just because friends and family know about it, right?? I hope! It's kind of like telling people you are newly pregnant-- you are completely committed to having the child, but things beyond your control DO change outcome at times.)
For example, we heard Monday that the Judge decided a transition from her foster care placement to our home can't start until after the holidays. We had hoped to have her here before then. So while that's disappointing, there are probably good things about it. She is not going to be an easy kid, and in some ways, more difficult than Madison. But we've studied, and attended trainings and we are ready to hit the ground running.
The other good thing about a delayed start to transitioning Shelly here, is that we do still really miss Madison. I guess once we hear what Madison's team decides, we will have a couple of months to acclimatize to that before Shelly comes to live with us. If it's "No, we are going to not allow any more visits or contact," then we will need that time for grief and closure. If it's "Yes, you can have visits with her," then that will allow some time for a few visits before we begin transitioning with Shelly. (We hope that Madison will have less fear about having contact with us, if the Adoption word is not possibly scaring her. But we would bring her home in a heartbeat if it were allowed and this is what she wanted! However, we are equally committed to bringing home Shelly. Her team selected us partly because they knew Madison was off the table for now. We have told them we still hope to have Madison in our lives. But the fact is, transitioning one child at a time is probably far healthier for everyone.)
We still have so many regrets: that we knew too little too late; that we weren't prepared for Madison. And we have many regrets that her team wouldn't consider bringing her back earlier. But if they had, would we have found Shelly? We continue to believe with all our illogical hearts and minds that Madison will someday return to us. We hope and pray it's SOONER rather than later. Oh wait, "sooner" has already left the building!
We believe we are going into this lifelong commitment to Shelly with our eyes wide open. We have read all the history DCFS has about her; we have educated ourselves, attended lots of trainings, and her team is preparing all the resources to be ready to go from the first day of placement with us. (What a difference an informed and well prepared team makes! Something we didn't have the last time.)
So why are we doing this you might ask? Good question, one we have asked ourselves on a regular basis. First, since our daughter and her husband adopted out of foster care eight years ago, we have had the desire to help several children to have permanent, and hopefully eternal families of their own. And also, there is just something driving us to adopt. We feel certain it's Heavenly Father, telling us this is what He wants us to do. But we have been told by many people who adopt, or who work with adopting families, that this is common: that people who adopt feel drawn to do this. We know this is the right thing for us to do, despite the fact that life is okay without it. (Or was, before we had and lost Madison.) We have great children, in-laws, and grandchildren. We have good jobs, hobbies, and each other. But there is a void. And we do believe this is how we are supposed to fill it. And I believe if you follow your heart and soul in the direction it wants to take you, you will eventually find satisfaction and peace. So that's my plan! And on we go.
Two months today since we saw Madison. We have heard there is still some consideration about whether we could be allowed visits. But for now, even if visits are allowed, adoption is probably not on the table in the near future, because we have been selected for another girl, Shelly (also not her real name.) She's almost 13 and a girl we have felt strongly about this entire year. We saw her from a distance back in February at a team meeting about her. Today we meet with some of her team members to set up resources for her here in our small city. (There is a risk blogging about Shelly, because things could change: not on OUR parts, we are committed to being her permanent family. But we are putting our hearts on the line for another child, so the fact that I'm blogging about it, can't really increase our risk of hurt, just because friends and family know about it, right?? I hope! It's kind of like telling people you are newly pregnant-- you are completely committed to having the child, but things beyond your control DO change outcome at times.)
For example, we heard Monday that the Judge decided a transition from her foster care placement to our home can't start until after the holidays. We had hoped to have her here before then. So while that's disappointing, there are probably good things about it. She is not going to be an easy kid, and in some ways, more difficult than Madison. But we've studied, and attended trainings and we are ready to hit the ground running.
The other good thing about a delayed start to transitioning Shelly here, is that we do still really miss Madison. I guess once we hear what Madison's team decides, we will have a couple of months to acclimatize to that before Shelly comes to live with us. If it's "No, we are going to not allow any more visits or contact," then we will need that time for grief and closure. If it's "Yes, you can have visits with her," then that will allow some time for a few visits before we begin transitioning with Shelly. (We hope that Madison will have less fear about having contact with us, if the Adoption word is not possibly scaring her. But we would bring her home in a heartbeat if it were allowed and this is what she wanted! However, we are equally committed to bringing home Shelly. Her team selected us partly because they knew Madison was off the table for now. We have told them we still hope to have Madison in our lives. But the fact is, transitioning one child at a time is probably far healthier for everyone.)
We still have so many regrets: that we knew too little too late; that we weren't prepared for Madison. And we have many regrets that her team wouldn't consider bringing her back earlier. But if they had, would we have found Shelly? We continue to believe with all our illogical hearts and minds that Madison will someday return to us. We hope and pray it's SOONER rather than later. Oh wait, "sooner" has already left the building!
We believe we are going into this lifelong commitment to Shelly with our eyes wide open. We have read all the history DCFS has about her; we have educated ourselves, attended lots of trainings, and her team is preparing all the resources to be ready to go from the first day of placement with us. (What a difference an informed and well prepared team makes! Something we didn't have the last time.)
So why are we doing this you might ask? Good question, one we have asked ourselves on a regular basis. First, since our daughter and her husband adopted out of foster care eight years ago, we have had the desire to help several children to have permanent, and hopefully eternal families of their own. And also, there is just something driving us to adopt. We feel certain it's Heavenly Father, telling us this is what He wants us to do. But we have been told by many people who adopt, or who work with adopting families, that this is common: that people who adopt feel drawn to do this. We know this is the right thing for us to do, despite the fact that life is okay without it. (Or was, before we had and lost Madison.) We have great children, in-laws, and grandchildren. We have good jobs, hobbies, and each other. But there is a void. And we do believe this is how we are supposed to fill it. And I believe if you follow your heart and soul in the direction it wants to take you, you will eventually find satisfaction and peace. So that's my plan! And on we go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)